I feel like an oversized clown...

on 19-May-2019

It has been at least two months since my last blog! Have I got my shit together yet? Umm.. no. The last twelve months have been filled with extreme highs and extreme lows. I seriously feel like I am riding the most messed up roller coaster known to man...

 I think the best way to describe how I feel at the moment is ... like a clown, Yes, a clown dressed in the baggiest oversized clothes and shoes trying to balance fifty balls in the air at once and not only trying hard not to drop the balls but trying not to fall over myself at the same time. I constantly feel like I am not reaching the point I need to be reaching in all areas of my life, from my writing to The Elk to my family life. Just not quite hitting the mark. 

I have finally finished 'Blood of the Tiller-man' it was only a month late getting to edits... (see, still on the back foot...) It really has been the hardest book I have written. I would start and something would require my urgent attention, so I would stop. I would go back to it and take ten minutes finding where I was up to then something else would require my urgent attention. I would stop and most times not get back to it. I would finally find a spare moment... I would sit... I would look at the screen and then... I couldn't write a damn word. I would just stare like an idiot at the blank screen in front of me thinking about what jobs I haven't completed and needed to catch up on until I finally was annoyed with myself enough to slam the computer closed and go and do the job I needed to get done. Then nightfall would come, I would get everything organised and sorted ready to sit in bed with a hot cuppa and do a little writing. I would sit up, open my computer then promptly fall asleep sitting up, only to wake with a kinked neck and cold tea. Still on that damn back foot. 

I have Fictionally Yours Melbourne 2019 coming up in July and needed copies of my first book in the Willow Tree series and the second book in the Mosconi series. Due to the changes in the American exports I can't print through my usual channel so I had to source a new supplier and get up to speed on their system and how it works and hope to God I can get them printed and sent before I go to Melbourne in six weeks. (A bloody three day exercise with countless headaches, tears and almost throwing my computer in the river!) Still on the friggin back foot! 

My family life and my business life... 

Yeah...I think this picture sums it up perfectly... I'm not just on the back foot I think the foot is shoved up my arse. 

So today I came out to my office. I finally solved my book problem and was able to get the new system sorted out and working properly. I cleaned my work space and I am currently sitting here with head phones in my ears playing some calming music whilst drinking a chamomile tea (Yep... it is that bad) 

I have spent a large portion of my Sunday organising myself, getting a positive vibe around my work space. I now have a better focus on to what I have done, what I am doing and what I still need to do. 

I will be getting my edits back for 'Blood of the Tiller-man' any day now. It will be released in July, which is super exciting considering I had serious doubts I would ever finish this damn book. I will have a release date very soon. I can now send the books I need to print and looks like I will have them back before Fictionally Yours Melbourne 2019. (YAY) 

In regards to my business and family. (I taking in a deep, deep breath right now) I have resigned myself to the fact they will never run smooth. There will be times I want to pull my hair out, there will be times where I want to sit in the corner and cry. I also accept with the most challenging of times there will be amazing moments, in my family life and my work life. Theses moments will be enough to help pull my arse forward from that one step behind I always seem to be walking at the moment.  

Happy Sunday Peeps. Fingers crossed I'll be back to my usual weekly blog, starting now...